The Nothing Fight
by jdawg379
Summary: When Kevin and Addison go shopping, a memory sparks a blowout. Who will emerge as the victor from this verbal, and possibly physical, throw down? Oneshot! M for slight swearing.


**Hey guys. I was inspired by a fight I witnessed at a Target once. I threw in some Jonas and it was a fabulous mix. I hope you enjoy the glory that is the Nothing Fight, and I indeed hope everyone has the fortune of seeing one!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kevin Jonas, unfortunately. I also have to give some credit to Dane Cook, for introducing me to Nothing Fights. **

"Ha! Look at that picture of you guys! Can you say… OLD-SCHOOL!!" Addison laughed, pointing to a picture of the Jonas Brothers, circa 2007, while she stood in the magazine aisle of a grocery store, thumbing through tween magazines.

Kevin elbowed her side gently and scoffed. "Whatever, you totally thought I was hot then."

"Indeed. I thought you were hot… THEN! Oh. Burn!" she retaliated.

This was a common occurrence for the pair. Addison had just turned 21, and Kevin was just about to turn 23, and for two long, rollercoaster years, the pair had been a couple. Though the Jonas Brothers were still hot on the scene, recording and performing, Kevin had made extra time in his busy schedule to hold a steady relationship with Addison. They were an unlikely match, as most thought. Kevin, being sensitive, was often steamrolled by Addison's soaring sarcastic wit. As a significant other of a public figure, she had been greatly criticized for "not treating him right," and other such nonsense, when really, she was the only one to ever treat him correctly; like a real person. Little did the public eye know, that this sarcastic, biting, ferocious, bombshell was exactly the kind of lady he needed; one to tell him how it was, to joke around with him. She shouldn't be afraid to get in his face. In fact, he was tired of the same old bimbo, always fawning over him, treating him like a God among men. That was simply not the case, and her nonchalance toward his fame when they met two years prior was the very thing that attracted him to her, and kept him staying.

"Oh come on. Then? You still check out my sweet bod," he said, flexing his muscles.

"Yes, I do. But this hair? Get it trimmed, would you? It's like… A Brillo pad meets an angora rabbit," Addison replied, not even taking her eyes off the magazine as she flipped through it non-plussed.

Kevin huffed. He was about to respond to her assault on his hair, but he noticed her face take on a stony expression. He leaned over her shoulder and looked down at the page she was studying. She was currently skimming the 'rumors vs truth' page, and there was a rather old photo of Kevin, face to face, almost kissing an ex-girlfriend of his, by the name of Zoe. The headline read something about having a 'secret girlfriend,' and the box was checked 'truth.'

"You know, Kevin, they can't say this was a truth if it wasn't. Well, that would be downright slander!" Addison spat, turning slowly towards Kevin.

Noticing her expression, and knowing this was the beginning of an argument coming on, he tried to appease her. "Oh come on, Addy. That was years ago! It's you and me now, right? This means nothing! Water under the bridge!"

"Don't you 'come on, Addy' me!" she retorted, punching him rather forcefully in the shoulder. "Secret girlfriends my ass! How am I supposed to know if you have any more secret girlfriends about? Should I be worried now, when you go off to film the new music video? Will there be some girl there, waiting for you? Hm? Or perhaps there are a few waiting in Europe?"

Addison was getting rather irrational, as she usually did. As a Leo, she highly valued loyalty in all relationships, romantic and other. From a past where people said they'd always be there for her, and abandoned her at her most desperate moment, she was transformed into a jealous, weary, cynic that often times let her pride and anger get the better of her, which was also another quality of Leos. Though she was not proud of these qualities, she rolled with the punches, since the only thing she felt she could really trust anymore were her emotions.

"Oh now you are just being ridiculous!" Kevin said, rolling his eyes, walking away from Addison before he gave her a piece of his mind.

But Addison, being the Leo she was, would not back down. She pursued him right through the magazine aisle and into the candy aisle. "What do you mean I'M being ridiculous Kevin?! Sneaking about like some… man harlot! At the tender age of 17 too! And now you are nearly 23! All the more reason to jump around!"

Kevin stopped and turned. He was getting red under the collar. "Man harlot?! That is so not the case, and you know it!" he roared pointing his finger into the air with anger behind it. "And, in some crazy world where you are actually right for once, if that WERE the case, at least I have the emotional range of a human being, and not some psychotic 'all men suck' robot from planet 'I hate men!"

Neither of them took notice to their surroundings, since it was nearly two in the morning, the only time they could do their grocery shopping without being swamped by paparazzi and fans. Their shouting escalated and soon, they caught the attention of an employee by the name of Madeline stocking the shelves. Not wanting to bother them, she went two aisles down to the pet section and began pricing squeaky toys, but kept an amused ear open.

"Oh real mature, Kevin! Planet 'I hate men!' What, did Frankie give that one to you?" she responded making her way across the way towards the refrigerated foods, grabbing some shredded cheese and dropping it in the basket, while Kevin grabbed a half gallon of skim milk.

"Afraid not, Addy. You were my only inspiration!" he yelled back.

And with that, Addison let out of a sound of annoyance and ventured back to the aisle next to her, which happened to be chips and other various snacking foods.

"You know exactly how to get on my nerves, and now you're just fighting to piss me off!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, well, you're just baselessly accusing me of doing things that never would happen in a million years!" Kevin fought back.

"No, I'm not! Something that would never happen in a million years would be if you actually threw away the empty water bottles you drink out of! Or maybe if you would actually separate your whites from your colors when doing laundry!" she bit back, poking him in the chest.

"Oh, you want to go into little habits, huh? What about grinding your teeth in your sleep? It will be a cold day in hell when you pick up the wet towel from the bathroom floor after you shower! And another thing-" he launched into his tirade, but was soon cut short.

"Oh, CAN IT, KEVIN! You don't even know the half of it!" she screamed. After her outburst, both were silenced for a moment.

"Lets just finish the shopping, ok?" Kevin suggested. Addison agreed.

After some rather tense moments of silent shopping, Addison and Kevin came across the cleaning supplies aisle. Addison was chugging through, sure they needed no such purchases, but Kevin stopped in front of a rack.

"Hey, what about this mop? Is this nicer than the mop we have at home?" he asked pointedly.

"What? What mop? We don't need a mop! We need a broom!" Addison bellowed, still rather agitated.

"You didn't even think we needed anything from this aisle! Now you're just saying that to counter me! I think this mop is nicer than the one at home, and we are going to get it!" he retorted.

"No! Mops?! Psht. We need a broom, idiot!" Addison said, grabbing a broom without even looking at it and stalking away. Kevin grabbed the mop and followed her into the biggest part of the grocery store, where many aisles met the main center.

At this point, Madeline was far interested into this fight. She pulled out her walkie-talkie and contacted her friend and coworker, Caleigh.

"Caleigh, it's Madeline. Head over toward the pet food aisle. Bring some snacks! A Nothing Fight is in order, and all I got over here is some kibble!! Over and out!"

Caleigh responded excitedly. "You got it! Be there in a second!"

And while Kevin and Addison were arguing about the quality of the broom and mop at home versus the ones they currently held, Caleigh arrive in the pet food aisle with a grin on her face, arms filled with Tropical Dots and dried mango slices. They opened their snacks and began to munch on them silently as they listened to the Nothing Fight rage on.

Kevin and Addison eventually made their way back to the chip aisle, as Addison had forgotten the salsa for the party they were shopping for to be held the next day. Madeline and Caleigh held their breaths while they suddenly were treated to a front row show, by simply pushing aside some bags of chips and some pet water bowls.

"You know Kevin, you can be such an imbecile sometimes! All this nonsense over brooms and mops! You don't even do any of the housework! You wouldn't know!" Addison huffed.

"Yeah, well… you don't know anything about… anything!" He was running out of insults, but he was not going to back down. Luckily for him, Caleigh was rooting for Kevin and piped in a little bit.

"Hey, dude. What about the chips?" she whispered.

Not even thinking about how weird it was for this employee to be addressing him, he launched into another attack. "Yeah, Addison! What about the freaking chips!?"

"WHAT CHIPS?!" she shrieked, really unsure what he was talking about.

Kevin narrowed his eyes and lowered his voice. "You know what chips!!"

"No, I'm afraid I don't!" she said, mimicking his actions, mocking him rather obviously.

He picked the chips out of her hands and threw them on the ground. "THESE CHIPS! YOU CAN'T HAVE THESE CHIPS WITH SALSA!"

_Oh no!_ Madeline thought. Kevin was winning, and she rooting for Addison. She just had to help her! She swallowed her mouth full of Tropical Dots and whispered something to Addison.

"Pst! Hey! What about the milk?" she implored. Addison looked at her through the whole created by the employees and looked down at the milk in Kevin's hand. He was still raging about her choice of chips, and she reached out and snatched the milk from his hands.

"I DON'T EVEN LIKE SKIM, YOU JERK!" and with that, her rage coursed through her veins and she slugged him one in the face. Unfortunately, she was holding the milk in the hand she decked him with, and the top flew off, drenching both of them in milk.

They both sucked in a deep breath of air. Silence rang loudly throughout the grocery store and Madeline and Caleigh sat in their front row spots, beaming at the glory that would the be the Nothing Fight that went down in history.

Kevin reached up to assess the facial damage. He was unsure if his nose was still connected to his face, but he was certainly shut up by Addison's out burst.

"Oh… my God! I'm sorry, Kevin! I didn't mean to punch you with a half gallon of skim milk! Honestly!" Addison blurted out, taking some tissues from her purse and drying off his face carefully. He looked quietly at her, and she looked like she was about to cry. She was honestly mortified with her actions and looked like she was ready to repent in the confessional at the nearest catholic church.

There was a beat of silence between them, where they looked into each other's eyes. Kevin's lips finally broke from their shocked expression and into a smirk. Before he knew it, his true talent of giggling broke free and he was sent into a fit of laughter, followed by the loud guffawing from Addison. They clutched their sides and began gasping for air as their laughing carried throughout the store. Caleigh and Madeline stifled some snickers from behind the wall of kibble and chips.

After catching their breath, Kevin and Addison held out their hands for each to shake. "Truce?" Kevin offered.

"Truce," replied Addison, diplomatically shaking his hand, trying to keep a straight face.

But before she could process the true hilarity of it all, the romantic Scorpio that Kevin was, reared its passionate head and pulled her hand in with a quick jerk and caught her lips with his own, kissing her fiercely.

Caleigh and Madeline gasped. This was truly the best Nothing Fight they ever had the pleasure of experiencing.

When Addison pulled away after a few moments of deepening the kiss, she looked at Kevin with a raised eyebrow. "What was that for?"

Kevin looked contemplative. "Nothing," he said with a smile.

"Nothing?" Addison asked, obviously perplexed.

"We just had the greatest fight about nothing. I thought I'd end it with a more than stellar kiss for nothing," he finished, smiling at his revelation, taking the towel that had miraculously appeared from the whole in the wall of partially hydrogenated snack foods being held by a hand that neither Kevin nor Addison took the time to notice.

"Oh my God. You are possibly the most corny person ever. I don't even know why I'm engaged to you. I should just quit while I'm behind…In fact, I think I will. Why don't you just stop pestering me about marrying you?" she replied with a smirk, gathering up the food they had and walking away.

Kevin took a moment to soak in the moment and really think about what just happened. He came to the conclusion, it was ridiculous. In fact, their whole relationship was. To be honest, they had Nothing Fights more than anyone could ever imagine.

He sighed and responded quietly with a smile. "Because I do so love you, my Addy." But his answer went unheard, save for Caleigh and Madeline, who then scampered off to the office to request working for grave yard shifts.


End file.
